SURPRISE: Rob Pattinson plucks heart, guitar strings on Death Grips track

If you’ve listened to Death Grips’ 2013 LP, Government Plates in the last year and found your heart going pitter-pattinson during their song “Birds” there’s a good reason: they sampled a recording of British actor and trouserthrob Robert Pattinson playing guitar on the track.

Last year, Patty Cakes was photographed with the now defunct experimental hip hop trio (and Queen Bae), which surprisingly yielded little-to-no rumors about his link to the band, or his potential Blue Ivy baby daddy status.

Actually, R-Pattz’s involvement went relatively unnoticed and only gained major publicity after the album went vinyl last week, on Black Friday. His name is printed in the credits of the song.

Musically, this isn’t the first time we’ve experienced a good Patt down, though. The glittery slash broody vampire strummed his guitar and crooned the bluesy tune “Never Think” on the Twilight soundtrack in 2008.

While his riff in “Birds” retains some signature twang, it’s more haunting in the broken jewelry box type of way. It evenly juxtaposes the synth-y, rubber melting tones and lyrics in the rest of the track. Basically, if you ever wanted to know what it’s like to have Cedric Diggory place you under the Imperious Curse and make you do naughty things, here’s your chance.

**In other hot-lebrity news, Rob is reportedly dating English singer-songwriter, producer and dancer FKA Twigs and that ish is SWOON-tastic. Fo realz.

You’re welcome.

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Turkey has been the staple holiday rock star for, like, a millennia now and we’re so turking bored. What gives, Thanksgiving? It’s bland in both color and flavor, and turns out dryer than unsealed Play Doh no matter how you cook it. Maybe this year it’s time to stuff the snoozy land fowl and gobble up its delightfully plump and sweet compatriot: HAM.

Ham’s the new bacon. Ham recently played Jonah Hill in a biopic and won an Oscar. Ham’s so hot right now it’s dating Taylor Swift.

Not sold yet? Here’s a few more reasons to GO HAM this year:
Because I’m all about that baste, bout that baste.

Because it’s delicious anywhere.

Especially when it’s Jon Hamm.
Because the last thing you want to do is fly Ham Solo on Thanksgiving.
Instead, go rollin’ with your hammies.
And put on a hammy face.


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Vape Lyf: OED all about that vape

Sorry, “bae.” Looks like the Oxford English Dictionary just left you in a cloud of chicken and waffles-scented smoke. Days ago the epitome of the printed English language named “vape,” meaning to inhale and exhale the vapor produced from an electronic cigarette as their 2014 word of the year.

2014 could very well be the founding of the e-cig dynasty, y’all. You’ve noticed it too, I’m sure. All those boarded up Blockbuster Video and Honey Baked Ham locations reincarnated overnight as Vape Escapes and Vapor Huts. It’s maj cray. But let’s not get it completely twisted. Vaping is not smoking. Vaping is more like that saber-toothed cat on The Flintstones: Just when you thought you put smoking outside for good, it jumps back in through the window like an asshole.

Admittedly, e-cigarettes are clever devices. The tobacco-less vapor trend took off after heavy restrictions were placed on smoking indoors at places like bars and daycares. Now, without the threat of harmful secondhand smoke, “vapers” can vape virtually anywhere. Don’t believe me? Try strolling through your local community college or outlet mall without getting blasted in the face with a hot load of tube smog. It’s fabulous.


Stephen Dorff

Smaug from The Hobbit



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MOON’S OUT GOONS OUT: Health Goth on the rise

Miss the bus on Norm Core? Have no fear. There’s a new healthy lifestyle movement brewing that can actually flatten yours. It’s called Health Goth and it’s trying hard to happen. The monochromatically-motivated health/fashion trend that mixes luxe sportswear with pop punk, metallic and futuristic elements seeks to usurp the neon Lycra, lunked-out Republic of Lululemon, wrap it a black shroud of stretch mesh, strap it to a 50lb kettle bell, and toss it into the nearest body of water. Make no bros about it, in a gym culture that’s heavily saturated in testosterone, Muscle Milk and cut-off Waffle House t-shirts, it’s a welcome changeling.


A.D.I.D.A.S. All Day I Dream About Squats.

By 2015, 1 in every 10 Planet Fitness facilities will have its very own Death Eater.

Have you fig-ured it out yet?

It’s about HELLTH!

CONCLUSION: The hardest thing about Health Goth is searching it by Google voice. But the shit’s still fly as flock. DEUCES.

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Take Me There: Hello Kitty Con 2014

Hey, remember when we all found out Hello Kitty wasn’t really a kitty at all? Don’t worry, this isn’t about that (it’s still way too painful). Instead, let’s talk about how our favorite feline-faker got her own comic convention to celebrate 40 years in our hearts and on our Trapper Keepers.

WHAT?? you say.

UH-HUH!! I reply.

Last week, hordes of fans including every 33-year-old girl with an on-going smelly eraser collection gathered in Downtown LA’s Little Tokyo to celebrate Sanrio’s most beloved character (aww, sorry Keroppi) with a slew of activities, art, exhibits and lectures.



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