Brothers and sisters we are gathered here today to celebrate life.
There's a sad section of my heart reserved for those who never experienced the buzz of a Blockbuster Video on a Friday night. Or never learned the art of patience from rewinding a video cassette. And tiny pieces of my insides shrivel like heated tape every time I realize there are people in the world who don't recognize this emoji:
Now imagine my surprise when I learned that the last known VCR maker on Earth will cease production this month. HUH SAY WHAT NOW? Yeah, unlike the post-death existence myths of Biggie, Tupac and Princess Diana, the once reigning champion of home entertainment devices has been the one living it up on an island over a decade since its assumed demise. Now that a legit funeral has been planned, it's time to remember the good ol days with our Top 10 Video Cassette Recorder Moments.
10. The advertisements
It was a brave new world.
9. When your parents brought home the future
They denied you touching rights at first, but within a week you were in charge of setting the timer to record ALL THE SOAP OPERAS AND BOXING MATCHES.
8. Video tracking
Getting a clear picture was the best feeling in the world.
7. Recording speeds
Most VCRs came with three recording speeds - SP, LP and EP. The moment you realized you could fit multiple movies on one tape with an EP setting, you were all about that hoard life.
6. That time Hamlet went to Blockbuster
So modern, Ethan Hawke.
5. When Spaceballs got ultra meta
Haha, Mr. Rental.
4. Remembering exactly where you left off
3. The Ring
via The Ring
The first time something you loved scared the ever-living shit out of you.
2. Work out tapes
"You gotta squeeze your buttocks."
1. When you knew it was going to be a good ass day at school
Hello, arm, prepare yourself for drool.