(Spoiler alert: this film contains zero robots or Will Smiths)
Just when you thought the film industry was cresting a peak of dark, fantastic art house-y flicks and superhero smashy-smashies, it’s announced that another sports biopic is in the works. EYEROL - - WAIT! What’s this? A film about a poor young ice princess that skates her way out of the trailer park and to the top of the 1991 U.S. Figure Skating Championships (not to mention the hearts of a nation) . . . SIGN US THE FUCK UP!
Tonya Harding has been in our heart-of-hearts for a very long time now. Forget the assault scandal and the teased-up bangs that look like the fried noodle nest your Buddha’s Delight is served in at that Thai place you like. She was a super determined and talented figure skater, an Olympian, and the first American woman to complete the triple axel in major competitions. Now she’s getting her due in the form of I, Tonya, set to be directed by Craig Gillespie and starring Margot Robbie as Tonya Harding. Little did we know that Robbie’s upcoming role as bubbly and psychotic Harley Quinn in DC’s Suicide Squad was just a warm up for her portrayal of our favorite flawed female athlete.
What we want to see in the film:
- Billowing peplum.
- Scrunchies. Lots of ‘em.
- Butterfly clips. (Uh, it’s set in the 90s and we miss them dearly.)
- A scene in which Tonya, her skeezy husband, and his goony bros (one undoubtedly played by John C. Riley) meet at a Motel 6, share a case of Miller High Life and a bag of chili cheese Fritos, and hatch the elaborate plot to bust up Nancy’s chances of being crowned Queen of Ice.
- A scroll before the end credits of Tonya’s most recent projects and accomplishments.
I, Tonya is currently in development so nothing’s been set in stone, but a release date is slated for – UGH – 2018?!