Wrong Turn: Porter Sculpture Park

What's the first thing that comes to mind when someone says they're going on a cross country adventure? Mapping out potential poop stops is key, yes, but other than that? If you answered "Hitting every hella quirky roadside attraction", give yourself a gold star! There's something about seeing the world's biggest ball of yarn and scarfing down deep fried delicacies on a dusty highway embankment that fills the hole that we never knew we had inside. The good news is, the continental US boasts enough pit stop gems to keep your tank full for the entire ride. The perfect example can be found on a stretch of I-90. Nestled between a 55 foot statue of The Jolly Green Giant and the world's only Corn Palace lies Porter Sculpture Park. 

 

 

Located 25 minutes west of Sioux Falls in the town of Montrose, SD, Porter Sculpture Park features over 40 larger-than-life, recycled metal structures scattered over 10 acres of pasture land that boos right up to the interstate.

 

Named one of the Top 50 Roadside Attractions in Time Magazine, the menagerie of of metal works were all hand-crafted by owner Wayne Foster. From a big yellow hammer to fire-breathing dragons, this place will definitely satisfy your inner yearnings for over-sized miscellany.

  

But when you mosey down the freshly mowed path for a few minutes things start getting a little bent. Twisted even. The sculptures begin taking on a freakish quality. A fang-toothed jack-in-the-box.  A frog mid-dissection.

Some sculptures are accompanied by wooden boards with painted poems describing the human condition.

It's cool. It's just some Tim Burton movie set rejects you tell yourself. Just keep exploring.

Further down the trail sits the most famed structure on the property -- a 25-ton, 60-foot tall longhorn bull that rivals the size of one of the Mount Rushmore heads. It took Porter 3 years to build the Egyptian bull-inspired feature. It's massive and equally beautiful.

Until you walk around the to the back entrance, take a peek inside and almost shit yourself at the sight of this:

AHHH! WTF?! This place is kid friendly? To make things worse, this thorned BDSM devil creation flanked on all sides by smith-forged cobras bats and spiders. AWAY FOUL BEAST!

Just when you thought you've escaped a horn up the b-hole, these guys are gliding up the path.

OH HELL NO! you yell as you sprint past the naked female figures dancing in a circle around a goat god playing a flute. You step in a gopher hole in front of the giant gold fish bowl but keep running until you get to the entrance to ask for your $8 back and find this waiting for you. 

 BYEEEEEE!! The prairie homestead of Laura Ingalls Wilder is sounding better and better.

 

 

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