VIVA LA FABULOUSION!!

Scandalous, frivolous and fabulous – Marie Antoinette embodies all the qualities we love in a monarch. As a young royal she bucked the French institution and emerged one of the world’s greatest fashion icons. Later, she embraced motherhood and taught us all how to get back to nature. She also blew loads of money on a lot of cool shit. Sure, she lost her head in the end, but she did it in style, dammit!

Today, Marie Antoinette rules over our HAM JAM collection. With rouged cheeks and a coy smile, she’s the absolute best way to say, WHO NEEDS A REASON TO CELEBRATE?! 

In honor of her new reign, here’s some juicy tidbits from Marie Antoinette’s glamorous life. (Queue Fergy.)

  

Archduchess Maria Antonia Josepha Johanna von Habsburg-Lothringen (Marie Antoinette) was born in Vienna, Austria in 1755.

 

 

She was a child bride.

 

Marie Antoinette married Louis XVI when she was 14 years old (he was 15). They became the dauphin and dauphine (kinda like prince and princess) of France. Five years later, they were crowned King and Queen of France after King Louis XV kicked the bucket.

 

It was 7 years before Louis and Marie did the deed.

 

via giphy

His thingy didn’t work. She didn’t wanna look at it. When the pressure was on, they popped out their first kid within a year. They had 4 in total (2 boys, 2 girls).

  

She made her #squadgoals a reality.

 

Marie Antoinette rebelled against the strict traditions of Versailles from the jump. She didn’t like her 15 countesses staring at her ninnies every morning, so she dismissed their asses and became close friends with her ladies-in-waiting.

 

She invented the bouffant hairstyle …

 

Léonard Autié was her hairdresser, confidant, and ticket into the hottest gay clubs in Paris. He whisked together the queen’s signature poufs – sometimes 4ft. high – and festooned them with feathers, ribbons and even a giant ship.

 

… and Haute Coutre.

 

The young queen hated corsets and refused to wear them. She hired a dressmaker named Rose Bertin. Together they picked out new materials like silk, satin, brocade, feathers, gauze and pearls to create new fashions. Doves cried. She became an icon.

Hauters gon haute!

 

She liked her privacy.

Marie Antoinette had a private chateau called Petit Trianon built not far from the palace Versailles – not even Louis could enter without permission. Here she would throw major bangers with friends, cavort with young gents, and crash out until noon.

She also built a fairy tale village on her palace estate. Petit Hameau had cottages, lakes, gardens and a farmhouse where Marie and Co. would go and pretend to be peasants and milkmaids. You know, normal people stuff.

 

She made it rain. A lot.

 

Marie Antoinette was said to have purchased 160 gowns and 200 pairs of shoes in a year. Her love for games and gambling cost her $6 million in today’s money. Revolutionaries started calling her “Madame Deficit.”

 

Marie Antoinette never said, “Let them eat cake.”

The famous phrase that made the queen sound out-of-touch with the starving French people was actually said by another royal years before Marie Antoinette ever arrived in France.

 

She had an impressive wrap sheet.

 


While queen, Marie Antoinette was constantly in the tabloids - often being accused of lesbianism. Nine months after her husband King Louis XVI was executed, Marie Antoinette was put on trial for many trumped-up crimes including high treason, infidelity and incest. An all-dude jury sentenced her to death. Surprised much?

  

Her last words were, “Excuse me Sir, I did not mean to do it.”

 

They were muttered when she stepped on the executioner’s foot on the way to the guillotine.

 

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

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